Today I got into an interesting discussion with my rather wonderful (and inexplicably) single friend H about the very worst things about being single. So below is our list – with a few from myself and Housemate thrown in:
- Microwave Meals for One. These are so tragic it’s not funny. They don’t taste great. They made your microwave smell. They are simple, and small, and sad. With Jamie Oliver’s money-saving meals on TV right now, Housemate and I are outraged that he claims his meals cost £1.60 a head – yes, if you cook them for an entire family! What about singletons Jamie?!
- No-one to catch spiders/moths. Shortly after Housemate moved in, so did Gregory. Gregory was a MASSIVE MOTH. He lived on the spare room wall. Housemate and I use the spare room for laundry, and mastered the art of slinking past Gregory by pressing ourselves against the door frame in terror. After I met Pedro (and had waited an appropriate amount of time obviously) I had to ask him to remove Gregory. By that point Gregory had been resident for over 4 months. Should’ve charged him rent.
- No-one to tell you you’ve lost your voice. This isn’t so much an issue for me as I talk out loud to myself but I can imagine it’s a pain (particularly when you teach for a living.) 9f4 are not the group to discover you have no voice in front of.
- No-one to get you in/out of clothing/jewelry. H once got near to desperation when trying to remove a dress and almost resorted to scissors. I once had to go to my friends with a jacket over my dress so no-one could see I hadn’t had someone to zip me up. Sad times.
- Help with pets. H walked her puppy (not a euphemism) in the rain. She could have done with some help washing the puppy after the walk – two people are needed, one to wash said puppy and one to hold it so it doesn’t run off and shake itself over everything (still not a euphemism).
- Someone to look out for you. Particularly when relating to sun care. H was working outside and failed to notice she needed sun cream on her back, but as she pointed out, even if she had realised there was no-one there to help put it on.
- No-one to fix things. Not that girls can’t, but I can vouch that Housemate and I don’t. I still don’t have one of my wardrobe doors on my wardrobe. I never check my oil in my car. Or my tire pressure. And we don’t have spare batteries or light bulbs conveniently at the ready. This is boyfriend territory (we’ve been asking our dads).
- Someone to go out for meals with. Of course, you can go with your friends. There is nothing better than meeting up for a catch up. But lets be honest – we are all busy people. This happens once in a blue moon. When you are with someone you can go out for many more meals. And sometimes you don’t even have to pay!
- Lack of bedroom activity. You were all thinking it.
- Falling over after getting out of the bath and having no-one to help you up. When I lived on my own I had just got out of the shower and I slipped on the bedroom floor (laminate flooring I both love and curse you). Lying there, unable to get up out of pain, mortification, and the shock of falling over when a) not drunk and b) over the age of 8, I distinctly remember thinking ‘This is how I’m going to be found. Naked on my bedroom floor being eaten by Alsatians.’
What’s your worst thing about being single?