My Most Embarrassing Moments

Following on from my ‘Disastrous Dates’ post yesterday, I seem to be on a cringe-worthy theme. I’m aware that I am now giving Pedro plenty of ammo for the future – please use your powers for good Pedro! Some of these are toe-curlingly bad – enjoy.
My first ever (memorable) embarrassing moment was when I was about 4. And yes, I was 4, it wasn’t actually last year or anything. My parents were taking me round a homeware shop – you know the kind, it sells garden things, kitchens, DIY stuff, paint etc. At some point, I slipped off from them. The first they noticed, I was sat, pants down, on a show toilet in the middle of the busy sales floor having a lovely wee. How embarrassing.
First LIDOS rehearsal
My first ever LIDOS rehearsal was for Bad Girls the Musical – genuinely as brilliant as it sounds! I wanted to get to know the members, and to create a nice relaxed environment to learn music in. This is still no excuse for what happened next. I started babbling on (as I do) and revealed to LIDOS that I have a theory: everyone has a ‘secret crazy’. Secret crazies are weird things you do that you keep secret from everyone else, because otherwise people would think you are crazy. For example, a common one among men is pretending to be a spy when you wear a tuxedo – eg pretending to listen to an earpiece, lurking round corners, drawing a gun etc. I share another fairly common one – pretending to be a celebrity TV chef when you cook, and chatting to your ‘audience’ to explain what ingredients you are adding. I definitely DIDN’T reveal that one of my secret crazies is to go to a farm or zoo and pretend I am the animal keeper…How embarrassing. Cue the entirety of the cast looking at me as if I was mad. Since this revelation I have discovered that many of my LIDOS friends do have secret crazies – Rob used to try and overtake people when he got off the train by walking very fast and doing formula one noises in his head. Another admitted that he has a friend who replies to every message in a really sarcastic way, but deletes them before he sends. What’s your secret crazy?
Corridor Galloping
This one involves my good friend and blogger extraordinaire Emma. Before she moved to Jersey and became a writer Emma was a colleague of mine. To make our day more interesting and entertaining, we decided to gallop up and down corridors pretending to be horses. Needless to say we had to avoid lone children wandering the corridors, and important members of staff who would surely ask us why we had the time to mess around. There is CCTV on every corridor in my school. I still feel embarrassed thinking about who may have seen us.
Bad Barry
This is another LIDOS related embarrassment. One evening after rehearsal a group of us went for a little drink. My friend Rob’s (yes, he of the walk-racing secret crazy) favourite drink is cider. (It’s also his birthday today – Happy Birthday Rob!) We got into a series of messy rounds involving quite a few bottles of Cornish Rattler. Lethal. In the end, myself, Rob and our friend Sarah-Kay ended up staggering round Leeds to go to another bar. Much to our embarrassment, one bouncer took a look at us and shook his head, refusing us entry. That NEVER happens in Leeds, so we must have been in a bad way. We finally gained access to a bar, and ordered another round of drinks, which we ended up giving away because we just couldn’t hack it. Rob walked Sarah-Kay home, and I caught a taxi. Before the taxi drove off, Rob stuck his head through the driver’s window, and informed the driver in a very serious voice that if he ripped me off by driving the long way round, Bad Barry was going to get him. The next morning I had work – and feeling fragile I took off my cardigan to reveal (to my horror) rude biro drawings and non-sensical scribblings all over my arms. I hastily pulled my cardigan back on, and have never been hungover at work since. How embarrassing.
Aussie Accent-Gate
This again involves my friend Emma. We were sat in the staff workroom having our usual cackle and chat early on a morning. We had been rather enjoying the accent of an Australian supply teacher who had been working with Emma, and in our usual boisterous way were shouting ‘Put another shrimp on the barbie!’ All of a sudden I got a phone call from another colleague. ‘He’s sat in the next room – everyone can hear you’ she whispered frantically. To say we were mortified is an understatement. To rectify our error we started doing other accents as loudly as possible. We also decided to enter the room the poor man was in from another entrance, so he wouldn’t guess it was us. Needless to say, our red faces probably gave us away. Awful.
New Year’s Eve
Quite possibly the most embarrassing night of my life. A couple of years ago I spent New Years’ Eve with some very good friends at a house party. We were quite merry, making up some horrific cocktails that we called ‘The Flaming Desmond’ and making each other drink them. When it came to the midnight chimes, I had brought a bottle of tequila with the intention of giving everyone a swig. I passed it round, however few people were willing to partake. So, in the celebratory spirit, whenever anyone passed on the tequila, I drank their shot. The last thing I remember was singing ‘Auld Lang Syne’. After that apparently several horrific things happened. Firstly, I was sick. Not just a little bit – vomcano style. All over myself, my poor friends’ sofa (I continue to be so sorry Scott and Heronce!), and another friends’ cardigan. I then was banished outside to wait for a taxi as I smelt so bad, and was apparently clinging onto the hedge murmuring ‘Help me. Help me.’ My wonderful friends Hannah and Aimee escorted me home in said taxi, where I ran myself a bath, flung my soiled clothes at them and demanded they wash them for me. The next morning I didn’t feel anywhere near as bad as I should have done, but the memory of my worst ever drunken moment lives on. I can only thank how wonderful my friends were for not sharing some of the evidence they accumulated. Definitely the most embarrassing night ever. It may seem as if some of my worst moments involve alcohol, but I must insist that I am not a good drinker, and the rarity of my drinking and my intolerance to excessive amounts of alcohol is the reason why when I go over the top with it it usually ends in tears (mine).
So there you have it. My very worst moments, laid bare for you all to laugh at, sympathise with, and cringe at.
Come on, you have to share now – your most embarrassing moment?


3 thoughts on “My Most Embarrassing Moments

  1. Hahaha, I’ve finally found someone who is a worse drinker than me!

    One of my favourite memories from my 1st year at Uni was the night we invented shot Monopoly (don’t even try, it was disastrous). I went through a box of wine (classy, I know) and all I can remember is sitting in my shower at 2AM shouting, “leave me alone! I will sleep here! It’s so comfortable! THE SHOWER LOVES ME!” and having to be carried to bed by my flatmate’s boyfriend…

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